The public has always expected me to be a playboy, and a decent chap never lets...– (via porcelain-mai)
I always have a shit day...
…after I dream about the french. Caught the bus the wrong way and had to catch a taxi to work. Got to work and found out that my keys weren’t locked in my car because my central locking is broken. Also, there was no milk for breakfast. Cereal with water tastes like sick.
Thousands of disappointing cakes
I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain't one.
They don’t call them rules, they call them instructions. But it’s...– Tom Milson or whatever his name is.
When the question is tricorn or fez, the answer is always fez. Except sometimes.– Gerard “Bilgemunky” Heidgerken
just want a girl who’ll shiver my timbers